I Love You Castle
by ChippedCups-BrokenHearts
Summary: Re write of 'Always' What if it was Beckett who said it and not Castle? What if he didn't want to hear it?


**4x23 always.**

**"I love you Castle."**

Men. They say women are the complicated ones, yet you can lay all your feelings on the table and they still don't seem to get the picture.

'You touch my mother's case and we're through.' Not only does he touch her mother's case, he once again makes her obsessed with it.

'I'm running around with the schools funniest kid and it's not enough.' He doesn't see that what they have, isn't enough. He takes any real feelings/emotions they have and inject humour in to it. Why can't he be serious? For once in his life.

And why couldn't he leave it alone? Why did he have to get involved in her case, her mother's case. Kate is completely capable of handling her own mess and everyone else's. She could manage, she has managed. But, why couldn't she make him leave? Or more importantly; why didn't she want him to leave?

He was staring back at her; shit she had been staring at his mouth again. He was so frustrating, yet she hadn't been listening to anything his irresistible lips were saying. She was far too busy thinking about what would happen if he would just stop talking and use his mouth for something else... something more fun... preferably involving her mouth. However, back to the point in hand; he had made her so mad, no, furious and she can't keep letting him walk all over her like this. It was time to speak up.

"I needed a lead, Castle and you sat on one for a year. How the hell could you do this?"

He let out a short laugh of frustration. "Everything I've been doing for the past four years has been for you. I bring you coffee every morning just to see you smile, I follow you for years in hope that one day you will turn around and see I'm standing right here. For the past four years I've been right here!"

She took in a deep breath. "If I am so frustrating to you, why didn't you just leave? C'mon Castle we both know you have enough material to write ten books."

That hurt. She just assumed the only reason he was there was to get something... and maybe she was right, but it wasn't sex, it was a relationship he wanted. A relationship with her.

"Why didn't I leave? Beckett if I did you would not have had the chance to see who I have become and more importantly who I became it for. It was for you Kate... it's always been for you."

'Kate' it played over and over in her mind. The four letter word she was so used to hearing, but not from his lips. It always sounded so different from the mouth of Richard Castle. In any other situation, she would have swooned at the fact he used her name, but in this moment, it irritated her. Two can play at that game.

"Why does everything have to be because of what I have done, why can't you take responsibility for your own mistakes Rick?"

"I know your pissed, it's obvious when I have done something to upset you, but for gods sake Beckett—"

"Upset me? Castle, I am furious!" She lowered the tone of her voice.

Now it was his turn to be furious. "If me protecting you is such a big issue, then don't worry, I won't bother you again, just say the word."

"Protect me?" She scoffed. "I don't need anyone to 'protect' me. I can do this alone Castle."

"Then why don't you Kate? Why don't you do this whole thing without me. Take me off the team, take me out of your life. If I mean that little to you, then why don't you just erase me from everything that is yours?"

She paused. 'Erase him' - that's the past four years of her life gone. The fighting, the teasing, the flirting, the hoping, the wishing; all for nothing. 'I can't erase you Castle, it's almost as if you're a part of me.' That's the perfect thing to say. It's also the thing that she truly means, but she couldn't bring herself to let that thought escape.

'Admit it Kate' her subconscious screamed. 'What is wrong with you? You are so afraid of getting involved in anything, like you were afraid of getting involved in your mother's case again. It means you have to care, and we all know you can't do that, don't we?' Her inner voice just kept shouting at her, and it was right. She was scared, terrified. Terrified at the fact that one person could mean so much to her, it means letting someone else in to her life, someone that she loves and someone who could tear her apart. And she wanted it to stop, she wanted everything to stop. But that's the tricky thing about life, it doesn't stop, nor does it slow down, no matter how many times you ask it to.

"Silence. Well done detective Beckett, you've won, I'm done." He started to walk to her door. "Why do you make everything so damn hard?" He shouted in a moment of pure anger.

She stood there practically frozen, the cold tears starting to form, the ones she was so desperately trying to keep back. She felt strangled, as if all the air in the room had disappeared. She just wanted to tell him. 'Just say it.' Her inner voice whispered. And she did.

** "Because I love you, Castle."**

* * *

She stood there frozen. She had said it. Four years, four whole years it had taken her, so why did she have the feeling he didn't want to hear it? She thought he loved her, he had said it a year ago and she remembers like it was yesterday. Unless she had waited too long... Shit, shit, shit. Worry spread across her face, as noticeable as a rash. He didn't love her, she thought he did, but he didn't. What's the point in denying it now though? What would be the use?

She opened her mouth. "I love y—"

"I heard you." He cut her off.

"So why aren't you saying anything?" Kate said confused.

"Why now?"

"_Why now_?" She repeated. "Castle, you were just complaining that I don't notice you, but now I'm sayin' this and you have to ask me why?"

"So you were saying it to shut me up?" She tried to talk again, but she was cut off once more. "Kate, that's not what I want, I want you to mean it."

"You, you think I'm lying to you?" She questioned.

"You know what? It wouldn't surprise me. You lied about not remembering me telling you how I felt for a whole year."

"Castle, I wasn't ready!" She bursted.

"You weren't ready? I wasn't ready. Not ready for you to die, I'm still not ready now. If you do really love me, then don't do this."

"And if you still mean it, if love me, you would understand what this means to me. Castle, they killed my mother!" She cried.

"And they will kill you too, Kate." His voice became much more serious. "If you don't stop this, they will come for you."

"Then let them come. I guess it wouldn't matter now; you don't want me, you don't want my baggage, just leave it Castle."

What?

Are you kidding? No, she's serious and he can't believe it.

"Are you trying to say I don't love you?" He scoffed. "Of course I love you! I told you that twelve months ago."

"So why can't you listen to me, why won't you believe me? I really do feel the same way, and I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner but it wasn't the right time." She stuttered.

He shook his head. "It never will be the right time." He sighed "You will always choose this case over me, over us. I would always be second best and I don't want to be." He paused for a moment. "Can you promise to leave this alone?" He asked. "If you can, we have a chance but otherwise I just can't... because I don't want lose you, Kate."

She took a deep breath, and looked at her murder board. She saw her mother's face staring back at her and she just wants justice, Johanna Beckett deserves justice.

"I... don't want to lose this."

He looked at her and closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them again, she was still standing there, tears in her eyes. It's not often he catches Kate Beckett like this, crying, vunerable... real. It doesn't matter anymore. She's crying and it's ripping him apart, but he can't let it, not again.

"I'm done, Beckett..." He sighed. "Kate, I'm done." He turned and walked out of the door.

* * *

He was half way out of her apartment building when he heard it.

_Smash._

Something, a glass perhaps, thrown against the door.

_Smash._

It wasn't the only thing broken; followed by the sound (of what he assumed was a glass breaking against her door) he heard it. A loud cry, maybe it could even be classed as a sob. Katherine Beckett had broken.

He had broken her. How could he do this? She had just poured her heart out to him, something she doesn't do often, maybe ever... and he had walked away and left her. Hurt, destroyed, broken. He had broken her. He had just wanted to fix her. There it was again. The cry. The sob. Followed by what sounded like her slamming her body in to the wall and sliding down it. It sounded like something you see in a film, the girl sliding down the wall after a break up. Only, this wasn't a break up, it was just the 'break' part, the breaking of a strong woman and it was his doing. It took everything he had not to walk back in there and scoop her up in his arms. Even the everything it took, wasn't enough. He tried to deny it, but he loves her, this frustrating, challenging, maddening woman, he loves her more than anything. She loves him too, and he just walked out on her. What is he doing?

He knocked on the door, one, two, three times.

"Come on Kate, open the door." He whispered.

To his surprise she did, her eyes were puffy and red, reminding him once more just how much he had hurt her.

She looked angry. "Castle," she started in a low tone. "What are you—"

"Stop talking." He told her firmly.

"Why are you here? I thought you were done." She questioned, wiping away her tears.

"We both know I'll never be done."

"What does that mean?"

He took a breath "It means, Kate... it means, I'm in love with you."

Even with the puffy, bloodshot eyes, she was still beautiful. She was definitely the opposite of an ugly crier. She could never be ugly, she's perfect... and she loves him.

She loves _him._

Kate went to open her mouth once more, maybe to protest, however she didn't get that far. Castle stepped forward and covered her mouth with his, soft and mind numbing. She couldn't think, she couldn't move, all she could do was melt in to him and let him take her in his arms.

'He's kissing me, it's happening.' Kate's mind screamed.

It's taken four years, a thousand arguments, a hundred tear drops and multiple near death experiences, but it was finally happening. Their minds prevented them from thinking, all they could do was be there, in that moment.

He turned her around and pushed her up against the door slamming it shut, desperate, wanting hands everywhere. In his hair, around her waist, on his face, under her shirt. The wanting was too much, they had waited so long.

"Castle." She whispered.

"Mhmm..." He mumbled whilst kissing her jaw line.

"Is this really happening?"

He kissed her again "God, I hope so."

She let out a faint laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck, he placed his hands under her thighs and edged her upwards, locking her legs around his waist.

"Bedroom." She murmured.

"You sure?" He asked.

"We've been waiting too long for questions," she placed her hand on his cheek. "Bedroom Castle, I'm sure."

He obliged.

Well almost... They didn't quite make it to the bed the first time.

* * *

**This is my first shot at a Castle fic I hope you liked it! ** **If you could leave a review and a suggestion for my next one, that would be greatly appreciated!**


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